Heart-shaped Pizza from Lou Malnati's

If this was for my birthday, then I don’t mind getting older! Instead, it’s the day of x’s and o’s (and cupcakes galore!). Truthfully, I’ll take any holiday that uses cupcakes to celebrate, even if I am, don’t faint—single!

If you believe everything you read and see, single women everywhere should embrace Valentine’s Day as a day to be with their girlfriends, watch romantic comedies (um, “Valentine’s Day,” anyone?) nosh on chocolate, and be grateful for each other.  After all, we don’t NEED a guy to make Valentine’s Day what it is.  Heck, we don’t NEED a guy at all.  We just need each other, girlfriends till the end, to love and to hold, till death do us part.

Or some crap like that.

Truth is, I think most girls (or sorry, women), want nothing more than to be with a boyfriend or significant other on Valentine’s Day (and beyond).  But in this day and age of appearing empowered and independent, god help us all if we admit that planning a girls night out on Valentine’s Day is actually quite depressing; that no matter how much we love our friends, we’d much rather be dressing up in lingerie, ready to be seduced by our own McDreamy.

I actually love Valentine’s Day, single or not.  When I was little, my parents made a big deal out of it, showering my sister and I with cute little gifts, and Snoopy cards to remind us how much we are loved.  I remember spending hours decorating my Valentine’s Day box for school, so when time came for the class party, I had the most colorful box to accept Cabbage Patch and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cards.  Although I’m now in my late 20s, and yes, a handsome boyfriend to share the day with would be ideal, I’m also not sitting around on Valentine’s Day trying to plan some female-centered activity to make me forget I’m not with that someone special.

What I am saying is this though:  It’s perfectly ok to wish you had a significant other to spend Valentine’s Day with.  It’s totally normal to think that girls night out on V-Day is nothing more than ‘an I feel sorry for myself party but I’m going to mask it as an I love my friends day.’  And it’s perfectly ok to actually admit that!

Truth is, I don’t like being single.  Sure, there are things I don’t like about being in a relationship either, but I’d rather be in one (granted it’s with the right guy) than not.  I don’t need to preach to my friends how independent I am and if the right guy comes along, then great, and if not, that’s ok too.  Sometimes being honest goes a hell of a long way than masking your disappointment with Hallmark quotes of ‘it will happen when it happens.’

Go ahead and feel sad on Valentine’s Day.  Get annoyed with commercialism and candied hearts and the Charlie Brown Valentine’s Special.  But just don’t take it out on your girlfriends.  Because until McDreamy does come along, they are there to love you, and I’ll take that anyday. (As long as cupcakes are included. Of course.)

From DREAMWORKS “Shrek 4″ Production Coordinator, Daniel Rothbart:  I have known Jessica Radloff for over 10 years and there is no one who could possibly play the part of Mary better.  I have seen 3 Men and a Lady and Jessica could be Robin Weisman’s twin sister.  Jessica has grown into a spectacular actress over the last few years.  She has also made it her life’s goal to achieve greatness in one of the hardest cities to shine and she has some spectacular accomplishments to show for it.  If she is not at least given a chance to audition the casting director should be blackballed out of Hollywood.

From an actual PRODUCER in Hollywood! Vance Owen, ladies & gentlemen!  Jessica Radloff has the spirit, spunk and chutzpah to make any project superior than it would be without her. Her charisma and talent for acting translate well to film. Her persona resonates so well with all who see her. In short, she is a shoe in for the part of “Mary” in the upcoming “Three Men and a Bride” project. You cannot go wrong with Jessica!

From the most INCREDIBLE woman I know:  My MOM!  I am writing this not just because I am Jessica’s Mom, but because I know she would be the most perfect “Mary” for the movie.  Jessica wants this part so much and she really would be the perfect daughter for the “hunks” that play her fathers in this!  She is sooooooooooooooo very funny, charming, adorable, honest, social, kind, I could go on and on!  She has worked so hard at everything in her life and really deserves this part.  She would crack everybody up on the set everyday, and I promise would give you 200% if it goes that high!! My daughter has put up with a lot in her life and if you  would give her this chance–I make great chocolate chip cookies!!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks so much for reading this-I know you are wonderful people who would see how great Jess could be in this movie, and if you need a mother for her (you know, in case Nancy Travis is not available)- I’m pretty funny too–58years old!  Thanks for your time!

From the guy you really don’t want to mess with: SAMIR SULEIMAN, Director of Football Operations, ST. LOUIS RAMS  Dear “Three Men and a Bride” casting director:  I believe my friend Jessica Radloff would be the best choice to play “Mary” because she is an experienced actress with a passion for the project.  She also happens to be one of the naturally funniest people I know.  Spend a day with her & I assure you, you will laugh plenty.  Although I watched the prequels growing up, I would not be inclined to go see the next installment of the movie unless she was cast in it.  And if that happens, I promise to make sure everyone I know in the NFL (which is A LOT) goes to see it too! Thank you for you consideration.

From top Hollywood PUBLICIST, Nicole Myden!  Dear Hollywood, I know a lot of people in this town, but somehow have never had a one on one with you just yet - but, I do believe it’s time we sat down to discuss my dear friend and talent, Jessica Radloff. Yes, there are thousands of actresses out in here in the land of la-la…but IF EVER there was someone more perfect for a role, well here she is! Jessica is the absolute perfect person to play “Mary” - not only because she looks like her (proof below, truly, see for yourself) and could likely - actually, no, most definitely relay the entire script - word for word from the other two films - BUT, she’s also so funny and has incredibly comedic timing. I believe in giving everyone a chance and there’s no one more deserving of a CHANCE at this role than Jessica Radloff. Just give it to her already…so we can all take her to Sprinkles & celebrate! And besides, your cast & crew will be entertained by her all day, given cookies baked fresh from her fabulous Mom in St. Louis - and, she will never be late. I mean, what more could you possibly need?!?!

From the only person I’ve ever gotten into fights with: MY SISTER, Laura Radloff (oh, and Neilson Ratings coordinator).  I’ll be honest here, Jessica Radloff is my sister (and only sibling as well), so if you want me to gush about how wonderfully magnificent she is, well, let’s just say that one too many childhood fights would deter me from doing this. However, as a movie critic and film major, I can attest to Jessica’s passion and spark for acting. I truly believe that given the chance, she could be the next Jennifer Aniston or Sandra Bullock. Yes, Jessica looked a LOT like Mary as a young girl, but Jessica also would be able to do for this role what Kimberly Williams did for the remake of “Father of the Bride” with Steve Martin and that is bring a refreshing new presence to the screen.  Just give her the chance to audition and you’ll see why.

“You’re a good friend.”

“I”m a great friend. What’s this good sh*t?” (Three Men and a Little Lady)

From Victoria’s Secret Runway goddess and Creole Beauty Magazine EDITOR, Katie Quinn:  “Pardon my French, but it would be plain stupid to cast anyone other than Jessica Radloff for the part of “Mary.”  Jess is an incredibly talented actress, and has anyone else noticed that she looks just like a more adult, more bride-like version of the original Mary?  Sometimes I imagine what the love child of Ted Danson and Nancy Travis would look like, and every single time I picture Jessica!  I also can’t imagine anyone who wants this part more.  Not only would she never be late to work, she’d likely arrive the night before, just to be safe.  Adding Jessica to the team would be like adding two scoops of sugar to your coffee instead of one; sure, one would be ok, but two just feels so deliciously right.”

From Toronto-based award-winning AUTHOR (in my book!) Evelyn Yallen:

TOP TEN reasons why Jessica Radloff IS the bride in Three Men and a Bride:

10. Waiting for a star to fall? Do you need a clearer sign she’s the right one?

9. Definitely NOT a crock.

8. Jess can FINALLY retire that Count Cholesterol Halloween costume.

7. No need to get into character. Takes method acting to a whole new level.

6. Given her encyclopedic baseball knowledge, can easily recreate the movie poster (provided Mary is now rooting for the Cardinals).

5. Actually IS the child of Peter and Sylvia.

4. Can’t you already see the Variety headline: H’Wood up and comer busts out in Bride

3. Actually enjoys liver mousse and poached eggs.

2. We’ll give you $1000 if you do it!

1. Because she definitely has “the package”.

From my actual EX-BOYFRIEND, Adam!  (I mean, if he has something great to say, that should count as something, right?)  You will never find anyone more committed to what she does and believes than Jessica.  She has this truly amazing energy….’Spunki’ says it all.  Without even needing a script, Jess would embody Mary….you could just cast her smile and it would be a hit!  There isn’t possibly anyone else that could connect with her castmates and audience the way Jessica could!  Can’t wait to see Jessica in a theatre near me

From LAS VEGAS MOVER & SHAKER (actually, Gaming Director of Int’l. Gaming Technology), Michael Ulichy:  As a young boy I can remember my older sisters taking me to see “3 Men and a Baby”.  As I now introduce my young son to the movie, and the “Little Lady” sequel, I can’t think of an actor that fits the character of Mary more than Jessica.  I remember the day I met Jessica in college and how her smile could awaken even the sleepiest of her fellow classmates.  Jessica was always the first to try something new, and maybe a little against the rules, and the last to say anything mean.  People gathered around her because she was funny, pretty, and you knew she would be a good friend to anyone.

These traits are exactly how I would picture Mary after being raised by three very different but equally amazing fathers.  I can’t wait to see her smile again on the big screen as Mary in “3 Men & a Bride”.

From SECOND CITY ALUM and recent Los Angeles transplant, Howie Kremer:  I want to make clear the kind of talent Jessica Radloff is. Imagine for a moment… putting together the ultimate actress. She would have the comedy stlyings of Lucile Ball and Gilda. The beauty of Farah and Kathy Ireland in the 90s and the “IT” factor, the intangibles of Meryl Streep and Katherine Hepburn. Now, roll all of it into one person and you still wouldn’t have someone as good, wonderful and funny as Jessica.  I’m a comedian, so I am an expert at what is funny (and by comedian, I mean someone who performs improv and sketch comedy and who’s mother says he is funny) and I can tell you that even on Jack McCoy’s BEST day, he couldn’t argue a case for any other actress to play the part of Mary in Three Men and a Bride.  Mr. and Mrs. To Whom It May Concern, I know you will make the right choice, because there clearly is no other choice that comes close.

From that 4th ranked network, NBC (but I promise he has good taste!), my cousin, Scott Radloff:  Jessica is as focused and dedicated as they come — she always aims high and delivers every time.  I know that you’d have no regrets if you casted Jessica as Mary. She’ll embody the part and make it modern and relevant to today.  Audiences will relate to her and surely will be captivated by her onscreen presence. Do yourself a favor and save time on casting — just pick Jessica!

From ACCLAIMED NOVELIST, Julie Compton (author of “Tell No Lies” and “Rescuing Olivia”):  Jessica Radloff would shine in the role of daddy’s little girl, Mary, in Three Men and a Bride. Not only can Jessica play the quintessential girl next door, she is the quintessential girl next door. Her spunk and earnestness combined with her fresh-faced appearance make for an actress that audiences can relate to. And with a work ethic that surely surpasses every other actress in Hollywood, it goes without saying that Jessica would be an asset to any director’s cast.

From my BEST FRIEND, and theatre teacher at the Obama Girl’s old school :), Debbie Gorman:  As Kermit and friends once sang, “Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending; we’ve just done what we’ve set out to do.” Jessica holds true to this quote.  She has the strength and determination to accomplish exactly what she has set out to do. Jessica never fails to amaze me with her dedication and enthusiasm toward her life goals, and her extreme thoughtfulness toward others. Jessica’s genuine passion and perseverance will no doubt keep you believing that she is the “golden” sprinkle on the cupcake and THE one for the role of Mary!

From Jodi Phillips, NBC Marketing Coordinator:  Jessica Radloff is amongst the most engaging people I know.  She is beautiful, charismatic and charming.  She has amazing comedic timing and always has us at the edge of our seats when telling stories.  She has all of the characteristics of a true star and I can’t wait to see her flourish and be able to say I knew her when!

Growing up, I was obsessed with watching “Three Men and a Baby” and “Three Men and a Little Lady” over and over again with my sister.  As a little kid (and even now), I just thought they were the most heart-warming, funny movies.  I always thought I resembled the actress that played Mary in the second film, and from then on, I had this weird feeling that if they ever made a third installment, I was going to have to find a way to be in it.  Now at the time, this did not seem feasible at all considering I was possibly the shyest kid on the face of the earth.  Funny how things change and life leads you to unexpected places.

As you know by now, I became an actor and a writer.  I was always creative growing up, but I thought I’d use my creative intuition to become an interior designer–not an actor or a writer.  After all, I had seen and read enough to decide that ‘those people were nuts!’  Good to know I stuck to my convictions.

And now, here we are.  In November 2009, Steve Guttenberg announced that indeed, a third installment of  ”Three Men and a . . . ” was going to be made, and this time in the form of “Three Men and a Bride.”  Those five words were all it took for me to know that I was going to do whatever it took to get that role.  (As to why I want/wanted it so bad, go to www.JessicaRadloff.com and click on the campaign link where I give a full explanation).  This was not going to be easy by any means, but then again, when have the best things in life come easy?

I started a campaign (accessed by my website above) and a Facebook Fan Page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cast-Jessica-Radloff-as-Mary-in-Three-Men-a-Bride/231366938946?ref=nf) to help get the word out.  Apparently when you’re not repped by CAA or William Morris Endeavor, it’s a hell of a lot harder for a movie studio (in this case, Disney/Touchstone) to want to see you.  So just like anything in life, I decided, ‘you know, let’s give this a try.  Even if it doesn’t work out the way I’d love it to, at least I know I gave it my best shot.’  After all, that’s really all we can hope to do in life.

I am BEYOND fortunate that I have the capabilities and money (thank you Dad for teaching me how to invest) to launch this campaign for my dream role.  But I know many others aren’t so lucky.  A dream is just that–a dream.  For so many, it never becomes reality.  And in my case, who knows if it will either.  But at least I know I’ll go down swinging.  That’s why I have decided that for every person that becomes a fan on my Facebook Fan Page to cast me in the movie, I will donate $.50 to my favorite children’s charity that raises money to fulfill their dreams & wishes (for legal reasons, I can’t actually list the name of the charity, but it rhymes with Bake-A-Fish, lol).  I will do this for as long as I monetarily can, and I hope you will support me in my endeavor.

Once again, here is the Facebook Fan Page link to join: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cast-Jessica-Radloff-as-Mary-in-Three-Men-a-Bride/231366938946?ref=nf

Don’t Stop Believin’!

xo,

Jessica

2) James Cameron needs a haircut. I think he can afford it. On the other hand, Michelle Obama shouldn’t have gotten one. It ages her and looks too conservative–two things she’s not.

3) If you think you’ve mastered the art of texting and driving, you haven’t. And never will.

4) Bill Cosby should give a lecture to the cast of “The Jersey Shore.”

5) Why are people always shocked when LA has its rainy season? We ALWAYS have a rainy season!

6) Naps should be a mandatory part of every day.

7) Cupcakes are calorie-free if they make you happy.

Cupcakes from Sprinkles!

Welcome 2010!

MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR 2010!

1) Best reason to indulge in bread:  Pretzel Challah at Got Kosher? Provisions. You don’t have to be Jewish, and you don’t have to even know what challah is (well, since you asked, it’s braided egg bread) to fall in love with the doughy, salty, fluffy pretzel challah at this boutique bakery and café on Pico and Robertson. www.GotKosherInc.com

2) Best Reality Show You’re Not Watching:  The Little Couple on TLC. Follow the adventures and normal day life of 4 foot tall Bill Klein and his 3’2” wife, neonatologist Jen Arnold. http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/little-couple/little-couple.html

3) Best Show on DVD: Rhoda. This spin-off of The Mary Tyler Moore show is dare I say it, funnier than MTM and the cast of characters at WJM. 35 years post its debut, the humor hasn’t aged a day, and the plotlines are still relevant. http://www.amazon.com/Rhoda-Season-One-Valerie-Harper/dp/B001O4KBN2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1262123393&sr=8-1

4) If you really want the BEST steak in town. . . . Forget Boa and its trend-happy clientele and atmosphere, and make your way to Wolfgang Puck’s Cut at the Regent Beverly Wilshire. From the pretzel rolls to the butternut squash, you will be in culinary heaven when you feast your eyes on the New York sirloin, dry-aged 35 days from Nebraska. You’ve never had a steak like this in you life.http://www.wolfgangpuck.com/restaurants/fine-dining/3789

5) Best reason to visit Santa Monica. . . .La Grande Orange. The newest restaurant from Lettuce-Entertain-You Inc. brothers RJ and Jerrod Melman brings the best damn English muffins you’ve ever had, LA’s best burger (take that, Umami Burger), and fantastic sushi without having to make a reservation at Katsuya. http://lagrandeorangesm.com/

6) Best Colorist in Los Angeles: Move over Ken Paves and Chris McMillan (although if you’re reading, I’d still like to receive a complimentary haircut J), and make way for The Lab Salon’s Angelica Curiel. Formerly of Umberto in Beverly Hills, Angelica understands color better than ANYONE in Los Angeles. Blonde, brunette, hilites, base, you name it, she knows it, and she executes it flawlessly. www.thelabsalon.com

7) The Top 3 Cupcake Bakeries in LA. Sprinkles, Crumbs, and Beckers Bakery. Just go. www.sprinklescupcakes.com, www.crumbs.com, http://beckersbakeryanddeli.com/index.htm

8 ) Best store to decorate your bedroom: Tabula Rasa in Manhattan Beach. From coral and sea-themed luxuries to the Pure Fiji brand of lotions and mists, you’ll be in heaven in this boutique by the beach. http://tabularasaessentials.com/

9) Best Pizza, Healthy & Not-Healthy: ZPizza. If you want an artery-clogging cheese and pepperoni pizza in LA, look no further than ZPizza. If you want a healthy, whole-wheat crust with low-fat mozzarella option, look no further than ZPizza. Z-licious! www.zpizza.com

10) Best Italian: Who needs the hefty prices (and frankly, weird delicacies) of Osteria Mozza when you can get true, amazing Italian specialities at Spumoni on Montana in Santa Monica. From the bread to the caprese to the vegetable primavera, you absolutely can’t go wrong. www.spumonirestaurants.com

HAPPY NEW YEAR & DECADE!!!

I was sitting in temple recently celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, when a friendly couple in their 60s struck up a conversation with me about love and relationships. I’m not quite sure how we got on the subject, but I think it had something to do with the fact that if I had my way, I’d stick to dating guys within the same faith. This was an issue because the guy I had been seeing most recently was not Jewish, and I often wondered how things would progress should they get serious down the road. On the other hand, I thought I had found ‘the one’ with my last boyfriend (who was Jewish) and he ended up breaking my heart. As I had to remind my parents over and over again, just because a guy is Jewish by no means indicates that things will work out. It certainly would have made things easier, but what about life is easy? The man then turned to me and said, ‘but at least now your heart is no longer broken from that young man, right?’ In a day that I thought would never come, I proudly looked at him and said, ‘yes.’

It was a comforting feeling to know that the biggest heartbreak of my life hadn’t ruined my ability to find love again, and could even be better than the last time. Still, the pain of my last relationship was always in the back of my mind, aware that you are never fully exempt from it. It’s like jury duty. You get called in, and whether or not you are excused after one day, or one case, you know that a year later, you’re gonna be thrown back into the jury pool. Boy, oh boy, the fun never stops.

Still, I wanted this newfound happiness to last as long as possible. Too many times it seemed like I always got a taste of the main course, but I never got to finish it (or rather, savor it). For once, I wanted to really be happy and not be constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. Any therapist would tell me that anticipating a problem is never a good way to start off something new, but until I learned differently, experience was all I had to go on.

So even though I kept whatever fears and insecurities I had to myself, it came as no shock to me when my new guy admitted that he was harboring quite a big secret (he was going through a divorce which was continuing to be drawn out thanks to a greedy ex-wife) and the stress of that was stopping him from fully committing to me. Bam! Just like that. What he originally explained as just work stress was actually something so much bigger (he never even admitted to being married when we originally talked about past relationships). So, merely two weeks after solemnly celebrating the Jewish New Year, I found myself with another broken heart. As much as I told myself that one day I’ll be whole again, it didn’t take away the pain that was marinating inside me. Frankly, nothing can. It’s that gut-wrenching, sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach pain that churns inside you like the most dangerous of twisters. You can almost feel the stress hormone cortisol throwing a party inside you, and somehow this feeling like you’re gaining weight even when you’re running at 7.0 mph on the treadmill. You try to convince yourself that you’re just thinking negatively, that things are never as bad as they seem, but your gut—and your heart—knows differently.

With my last relationship, I tried endlessly to make things work. But if you’re dealing with a liar and a cheater, no matter how much you try to do the right thing, it’s like trying to teach a politician to remain faithful (well, many of them, anyway). Forget it. They have to want to change, and more importantly, recognize there is a problem worthy of change. With my newest relationship, I was dealing with heartbreak far worse than what I had been through before. He knew he was a work in progress and needed to take inventory on himself before he could fully commit to me, or anyone. As a result, no matter how much he liked me, he just couldn’t be in a relationship. So now, instead of hoping a guy would recognize a need to get help, I had a guy who was already doing so. Except I still lost out. Having to say goodbye was that much harder because AT LEAST he was taking the steps to get where he wanted to be. The last guy didn’t even know there were steps to take.

So although I tried to tell my new guy that he’s more together than he ever realized, and we’re too good of a team to not try to make a go of this, he felt that he just wasn’t good enough for me. (And attention Greg Behrendt: I promise this is not a case of “he’s just not that into you”). He was just so down on himself that in his mind, I’d be hurting myself by being with him. When I confessed that I really missed him and my days weren’t the same without him, he replied, ‘I hope things are going good for you. You truly deserve only the best, Jess.’ Just put a dagger through my heart right now why don’t you?

I don’t let myself open up too often, but when I do, I know (as well as my friends and family) that the person must be pretty special. Usually then my friends and family get scared as well. I’m at my most vulnerable, and there’s nothing they can do about it. As the rabbi said to us this year, ‘we’re all alive, but how many of us are actually living?’ So when I find someone that I deem worthy of me, I jump in with both feet, hoping for the best, but also, maybe pessimistically, expecting the worst.

I know I will get over the newest guy. My last relationship taught me that. But no matter what, when you’re going thru the deepest of heartaches, it feels as though you might as well be having open-heart surgery without the anesthetic.

Matters of the heart. Why does it have to hurt so badly?

“I just want you to protect yourself!”

“I can’t stand to see you get hurt again.”

“We’re just looking out for you, that’s all.”

I love my friends, I really do. But sometimes, I want to hit them over the head and tell them to take their own advice. I am grateful that they care so much about me and in their words, ‘think I’m so ‘effin awesome’ that I deserve nothing but the most perfect amazing guy, but they just don’t always get it.

If they really want me to protect myself from getting hurt in a new relationship (or any relationship), then there’s only one true answer—I just won’t date. Period. I’ll be anti-relationships my entire life and if a great guy does come along, I’ll stop him before things get serious to say, ‘I’m sorry, babe, but I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me. I’m outta here.’ Really, I think my friends would bubble-wrap me if they could. That might solve the bruises that result from my constant klutziness, but a broken heart? I wish.

So can you ever really protect yourself in a relationship? Not really. Will that stop my friends from saying, ‘I just want you to protect yourself?’ Hardly. But maybe it will help shed some light on what you can do to take steps to remain in control of your relationship, so if there is heartbreak, it won’t sting as bad this time around, and you’ll be able to bounce back faster.

In my last relationship, things progressed really fast. We hit it off in an instant, were beyond attracted to each other, and had a mutual view on what’s important in life. It wasn’t like I was going around professing my love for him or even swearing that he was the most amazing man I had ever met, but that didn’t stop my friends from being scared to death of what would happen if he broke my heart and I was reduced to a teary-eyed mess. And here I thought I was pretty strong and resilient.

Truth is, breakups suck. What an observation, you’re thinking. But it’s a part of life and when they do happen, I try to tell myself that it will only bring me closer to finding the right person. That doesn’t always work in lifting my mood, but I think it’s a pretty accurate statement.

So if you can’t really protect yourself from getting hurt, what can you do? Here’s my mind-blowing advice:

1) Just go with it. Yes, I said it. If you’re happy and you know it (don’t worry, I’m not going to break into song here), then just enjoy the warm and fuzzy feelings happening around you. Don’t try to squash it just because you want to protect yourself from getting hurt. True, it’s not always the wisest thing to tell everybody you know that you’re on cloud nine (they’ll notice it just by your glow), but don’t try to always play it cool either. There’s a saying that I love that says you have to be careful about being too careful. It’s a great observation, and so true when it comes to love. Don’t smother your crush, new guy, boyfriend, etc., but don’t hide from enjoying those blissful moments either. Cause guess what–if you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to get hurt, and no amount of preparation can stop that from happening (and no, Yogi Berra didn’t say that).

2) Listen to your gut. I wish I would have taken my own advice on this a lot more. Because I had a tendency to over-analyze and think a situation through until I was blue in the face, I lost track of what my gut was saying in the first place. I think it’s normal considering human behavior is something I write about, but the fact of the matter is no matter how much I think about a situation, my gut has never led me astray. Even the times I wasn’t sure if I was right or not, I can look back now and know that I knew the answer all along. When you get that pain in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. Address it and get it out in the open sooner rather than later. If you’re feeling that your guy is pulling away, you’re probably not over-reacting. And don’t let yourself get blamed just because you’re a female! Usually our gut knows before our head, so trust it, and I promise you will thank yourself in the end. After all, where do you think the label ‘woman’s intuition’ came from?

3) Stay busy doing your own thing. Whether it’s keeping plans with friends, going to a movie by yourself, or taking on a new hobby, don’t give up on yourself. This way, should things not end well with a new relationship, you won’t feel completely lost going on with life without your guy. And even better, when you’re staying busy, it helps take your mind off of when he’s going to text or call you, and gives you more to talk about when you do see him. Plus, seeing you live your own life (and do so passionately) only makes you more attractive to a guy. Don’t let yourself slide just because you can’t get your new guy out of your head!

4) Hold off on the S-E-X. I know it’s becoming almost trendy not to sleep with a new guy right away (although where did this 90-day-rule of Steve Harvey’s come from?), but it really is a sound piece of advice. Now listen, sometimes it happens in the heat of the moment, maybe after you’ve both had too much to drink, or just couldn’t keep your hands off of each other, so don’t think that you’ve ruined anything. Plus, if you’re safe and take precautions, it’s an awesome thing. But if you really like a guy and already know you want to be with him, then try not to round the bases until you know that you’re the only one he’s seeing. The worst thing you can do is sleep with a guy before you’re ready just because you hope it will make him like you more. I know it sounds so ‘after-school special’ of me, but it’s so true. Out of respect for yourself (and if nothing else, it will help in getting over him should you guys go separate ways), you’ll be glad you didn’t give all of yourself until you knew where he stood with you as a couple. You’ve got the goods and deserve to know that he’s just as invested as you are before you show all your cards.

Well, I’d like to think I’ve done a darn good job of highlighting what you can do to protect yourself in a relationship, without actually giving up a great relationship or bubble-wrapping yourself, or heaven forbid having your friends put negative thoughts into your head. All you can really do is just be smart about things (and let’s face it, if you’re reading this, I’d like to think you already are ), and therefore if things don’t turn out the way you’d like, you’ll have no regrets knowing you did everything you could to protect yourself.

That’s the million-dollar question.  Is it really that hard to date in LA?  And by date, does it mean actually find a date to take you out for dinner or drinks, or date and have a relationship?  Or in this day and age, is it hard just about anywhere you look, from Seattle to St. Louis to New York?  What is it about LA that makes people go, ‘oh, you are trying to date and live in LA?  That’s why!’

I moved to Los Angeles eight years ago, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, and yet mature enough to know not to expect anything. At 21-years-old, I knew to expect the unexpected. When my best friend once went to the Dresden, and ended up back at Vince Vaughan’s house later that night, I knew anything could happen in the dating world of LA, and boy, did it.

In a land where lovers are recycled more than water bottles (and in environmentally conscious LA, that says a lot), I learned early on that it wasn’t a relationship town. Well, if you wanted more than a 5-minute relationship that is. Just like kids in a candy store, there was always something more colorful and sweeter than the next. And in LA, where pretty girls are a dime a dozen, the notion completely rang true.

But in my eight years here, I’ve seen more than enough people meet great guys and girls, and have lasting and successful relationships. In fact, I may actually know more single people in my hometown of St. Louis than I do in LA. So how on earth does LA get the connotation that it is one of the toughest places to date? I have a few reasons why. Read on.

1) The Scene makes LA, LA. Stick thin twenty-something’s kissing the doormen of H.Wood and slinking right in, only to leave hours later with the latest pretty boy wannabe actor. Cocky agents assistants at the big 5 convince themselves that by promising to line up the next big meeting, they can secure at least a few dates with a rising star. And trendy reality stars know that unless they want the shelf life of a banana, the better get good at juggling their other reality star’s rejects. And so it goes. Over and over again, the cycle reinvents itself, only with the same results. If you go to the beach, you’re going to find sand in your shoes and car for days. And if you roll with the scene, don’t expect to come out unfazed.

2) Youth is always in. Hell, even 50-year-olds in this town consider themselves young. And we’re not talking young as in vibrant and full-of-life for a 50-year-old. We’re talking half-centurions who believe they really look and act like their 25-year-old counterparts. And more often than not, they act like children. As a result, there is no urge to ‘settle-down’ and get married. Twenty and thirty-something’s here think they have forever to find ‘the one’ and yet, by the time they turn 40, they wonder where the time went? You’re not so young anymore, are you?  The bottom line is, no one wants to grow up when you’re constantly living in Fantasyland.

3) Work. Blame Jay Leno. The guy wasn’t the funniest thing on the planet, but he sure did have the best damn work ethic you’ve ever seen. The guy worked as though he wasn’t going to be able to afford next month’s rent. He didn’t let up. Work, work, work. Although Jay is the most recognizable over-achiever, he certainly isn’t the only one. LA has a reputation for producing slackers and laid-back surfer dudes who spend their afternoons lounging at Urth Caffe, but for the most part, LA residents log some of the longest hours in the country. If you’re a 2^nd A.D. on a network drama, how on earth are you going to have time to date when working a 16-hour-day? If you are a research analyst for Warner Brothers, how are you going to muster up the energy to go out for drinks when you’re at work by 6am retrieving the overnight ratings for your boss? Dating simply takes a backseat to trying to further your career and always be one step ahead of the game.

4) Different strokes for different folks. This is certainly the biggest factor for me when it comes to answering why dating is so hard in Los Angeles. LA is certainly a melting pot of different languages, cultures, religions, and backgrounds, and while that allows for infinite possibilities, it can also make it more difficult if you’re looking to find your common denominator. For instance, no matter how many times I correct my Dad, he still thinks that the reason dating is so hard in LA is because the guys are so shallow. Well, although that can sometimes be the case (among models, actors and agent/manager wannabes), it’s not a very fair assumption. People can be shallow all over the place, and growing up, I dealt with my fair share in the good ‘ole Midwest. But in LA, I often struggle with guys who are girlier than me. I prefer a guy’s guy, someone who loves sports, knows how to fix things, and doesn’t need to go to the hottest clubs and restaurants to have a good time. Maybe the metro sexual wave has caught on in all parts of the country, but in LA, there is certainly no greater population. Guys here often spend more time shopping for clothes than they do working around the house, and although that’s not a bad thing if that’s what you’re looking for, it definitely can make it harder for chicks like me.

So what can you do? Keep looking, keep getting out there, and keep pushing yourself. It’s not impossible to meet the man or woman of your dreams in LA, but the lifestyle that is LA does often make it harder to find people with the same goals and backgrounds. Accept invites to events and parties that you usually would skip. If you live in the city, spend a day at the beach towns living like a local. Sign up for a softball or kickball league in the next city (if you live in Hollywood, go to Sherman Oaks. If you live in Sherman Oaks, try Brentwood. After all, that’s what Beverly Glen is for). Try volunteering or getting on the board of a philanthropic organization. Every bit helps, and even if you don’t hit it off with everyone, you never know who someone knows that just might happen to think you’d be the best fit for their best friend. It’s not that it’s that hard to date in LA, it’s just harder considering the circumstances it takes with which to live here. But take it from me—if you already have what it takes to live in the second largest city in the United States, then you definitely have the perseverance to find the relationship that’s right for you.

Dear ‘ole LA.  Oh, how I used to love thee so.  I remember when I was a few months away from coming out to visit you for my first trip ever.  I was one of the so-called ‘lucky’ ones chosen for the enviable internship of all internships:  The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  This was 10 years ago, when iPods were unheard of, and the term social networking meant nothing.  I was high on life, feeling empowered at the thought of working at one of television’s most storied franchises.  As a result, I went online to Amazon and purchased Randy Newman’s signature anthem, I Love LA.  I kid you not.  And I listened to it on repeat almost every day until I got there (which at that point, I figured it was probably uncool to listen to a song about LA when you’re actually in LA).  What I didn’t realize is that I was pretty uncool from the start.  It’s a great song, but everyday?  Oy. 

So, I loved LA before I even got to LA.  At least that’s what I convinced myself.  However, the reality of LA was not the glamorous, exciting LA that I had been singing about for the last three months.  It had a shallow, mean-spirited air about it, with a lot of idiots running around thinking they ran the city.  This mid-western girl, who was taught to treat everyone with respect, have enthusiasm for life, and work hard, was subject to an uncomfortable reality in which being an alcoholic meant you were normal, being a bitch was key, and not caring made you cool.  Where on earth did I go wrong?

Every promise that the internship coordinator at The Tonight Show made to me before I accepted was full of crap.  “You’ll get to be in Jay’s skits!”  “You’ll sit in on production meetings!”  “Everyone is so awesome, and you’ll get the best show ever on your resume!”  In other words, “Welcome to LA!  We’re going to tear you down, lie to you, and hope you become one of us.”

So three months later, ten pounds heavier, and a stress-case beyond belief, I marched back to the University of Arizona and into the internship director’s office.  I should have come with a warning label, because boy, was I ready to lose it.  “NEVER AGAIN let a student go to LA and intern for that damn show!”  Ironically, Jay was the nicest guy there, but boy, oh boy, his staff was another story altogether.  I think my internship director was afraid I was going to rocket out of the building, I had so much steam coming out of my ears.  “Who do they think they are?!  Do you know how many times they told me to sit in the closet because they didn’t want network execs to know how mistreated we were when they paid the offices a visit? Or how they actually told me to spend a day cleaning out the cereal containers in the kitchen and yelled at me when there was a trace of Golden Grahams mixed in with the Cheerios?!  I would have rather worked at McDonald’s all summer!!!” 

I Love LA?  I think not.

Amazingly, as tough as it was, I went back to LA five months later for another remote internship.  Thank god this one turned out not as bad, but it still exposed me to a way of life that I was not very comfortable with.  In other words, it was junior high and high school all over again.

I have been lucky in my eight years here.  It has not come without a lot of hard work, sweat and tears, but I have been fortunate too.  I’m no Brandon Tartikoff by any means, but I’m proud of the shows I’ve worked on, actors I’ve been fortunate enough to work with, and contributions I continue to make (well, hopefully, at least).  Maybe that’s why, when people see I haven’t been defeated, that I get the same question all the time: “What does it take to succeed in LA?”

1)  PATIENCE.  PATIENCE.  PATIENCE.  Learn it, preach it, say it over and over again at night until you fall asleep, because nothing will serve you better in this town than learning how to be patient.  For me, someone who was the ultimate-go-getter and as determined as Hillary Clinton was to win the Democratic nomination, it was an eye-opening lesson.  Nothing ever gets done quickly in this town.  EVER.  And then when something does happen, it will be the fastest thing you’ve ever seen.  But getting to that point?  It’s like riding It’s a Small World over and over again until you have nightmares of little Dutch children doing leg kicks. 

You will wait weeks to get an e-mail response from an agent, what seems like years to get a meeting, and often an endless number of reschedules before a coordinator can fit in time to see you.  And if that’s the case, consider yourself lucky that you even got a response at all.  No matter how many times I’ve gone through it myself, it never ceases to amaze me how anything ever gets done in this town.  I have an ongoing joke that it’s no wonder why the state of the US economy is in the toilet when no one gets anything done.  It is simply amazing.  The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien’s Andy Richter recently told The Los Angeles Times, “Now I’m so happy to be back and making TV every night, not asking permission from somebody and waiting six months to get their sparklingly clear and cogent notes. And then wait another month for them to get back from Hawaii and say yes, now we can go make television. I felt like a plumber who kept going into the building and saying, can we put some pipes together? And watching my wrenches gather dust.”

So if watching wrenches gather dust isn’t your thing, don’t expect LA to do it for you either.  It’s no wonder people use as much botox as they do here.  Because by the time someone gets around to wanting to use them for something, they are at least 10 years older anyway.

2)  NOT CARING.  I know, it’s kind of an oxymoron.  How are you supposed to hang in for the long haul if you’re not passionate about what you’re trying to do?  I get it, and all I can say is that I’ve been there before.  Whether it was a role I was dying to get, or the book that just had to be published, no one can ever accuse me of not caring.  In fact, I care too much.  I’m competitive, driven, and hearing the word ‘no’ only propels me further.  So how on earth did I come to not care? 

Well, it’s not that simple.  The fact is, I do care.  I care a lot.  I care about the projects I pitch, the performance I do, and the articles I submit.  I want to be successful, I want to be wealthy, and I want to be in demand.  It’s just that at this point, after you’ve gone through more career heartbreak than you think was ever possible, you learn to stop getting your hopes up—about anything. 

When I recently met with the HR department of a huge magazine publishing house, I was asked what is the biggest lesson I’ve learned in LA.  And my response?  “It’s a long journey in this town.  You can’t get excited about anything until your work has been published, the check clears, and you have proof of your work.”  She laughed and then got oddly serious when she said, ‘that is the most honest answer I’ve ever heard.  Thank you.’

Here’s the bottom line: never stop caring.  How many times have you heard the feel-good story about the guy who pleaded for someone to take a look at his manuscript, when everyone turned him down, telling him he would never make it and to give up his dreams?  Well, that guy turned out to be Sylvester Stallone, and that manuscript turned out to be Rocky.  Never stop caring about what you do.  It’s that passion that will take you from one side to the other.  But do stop caring about what people think, what they say, and why they say you can’t do it.  Stop giving everyone else (no matter what their authority is) the power to tell you that what you have is not good enough.  Because for every successful studio in Hollywood, there are plenty of god-awful films that they swore was the funniest thing ever that failed to do anything.   

3)  LUCK.  Yes, it is about hard work meeting preparation meeting luck, or some formula like that (I was never that good in math).  But more often than not, it’s about being in the right place at the right time, or meeting the right person at the right time.  I can think of many actors that were discovered on a street corner, and yet to this day, they have no talent.  It’s just the luck of the draw—a total crapshoot if you will.  And for someone like me who is, I hate to say it, a bit of a control freak, it’s the hardest thing to come to grips with.  I can’t even begin to count the number of times I wished I were my own agent because I knew I could do it better.  Or that I ran my own network because I knew I could put better quality shows on the air.  So having to sit back and let luck find me?  Jeez, no thank you. 

But as we all know (or hopefully you do at this point), there are things you can do to improve your luck.  Accept most invitations thrown your way. Take the time to be aware of your surroundings and ask for what you want.  Read as much as you can get your hands on.  Find out who the people in this town are that make the big decisions, and find a way to get in front of them.  As tempting as it is to play Wii all day, no one is ever going to discover you in your living room.  You have to get out there.  (Granted, if The Bachelor is on, I will be on my couch).  But still, get out there as much as you can. 

Now, that is not to say that that is going to work either.  Goodness knows if I had all the answers, I’d be writing this from the Four Seasons Resort in Bora Bora and not in my West Hollywood apartment, but you get the idea.  Which makes me think, I better wrap this up.  I need to leave and get discovered.  With some luck, of course.