Hallmark is prepped and ready to go. Sprinkles is getting ready to unload enough sugar, butter and cream to fill every football stadium in America. And pizza parlors all over America are rolling out their heart-shaped dough.

Heart-shaped Pizza from Lou Malnati's

If this was for my birthday, then I don’t mind getting older! Instead, it’s the day of x’s and o’s (and cupcakes galore!). Truthfully, I’ll take any holiday that uses cupcakes to celebrate, even if I am, don’t faint—single!

If you believe everything you read and see, single women everywhere should embrace Valentine’s Day as a day to be with their girlfriends, watch romantic comedies (um, “Valentine’s Day,” anyone?) nosh on chocolate, and be grateful for each other.  After all, we don’t NEED a guy to make Valentine’s Day what it is.  Heck, we don’t NEED a guy at all.  We just need each other, girlfriends till the end, to love and to hold, till death do us part.

Or some crap like that.

Truth is, I think most girls (or sorry, women), want nothing more than to be with a boyfriend or significant other on Valentine’s Day (and beyond).  But in this day and age of appearing empowered and independent, god help us all if we admit that planning a girls night out on Valentine’s Day is actually quite depressing; that no matter how much we love our friends, we’d much rather be dressing up in lingerie, ready to be seduced by our own McDreamy.

I actually love Valentine’s Day, single or not.  When I was little, my parents made a big deal out of it, showering my sister and I with cute little gifts, and Snoopy cards to remind us how much we are loved.  I remember spending hours decorating my Valentine’s Day box for school, so when time came for the class party, I had the most colorful box to accept Cabbage Patch and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cards.  Although I’m now in my late 20s, and yes, a handsome boyfriend to share the day with would be ideal, I’m also not sitting around on Valentine’s Day trying to plan some female-centered activity to make me forget I’m not with that someone special.

What I am saying is this though:  It’s perfectly ok to wish you had a significant other to spend Valentine’s Day with.  It’s totally normal to think that girls night out on V-Day is nothing more than ‘an I feel sorry for myself party but I’m going to mask it as an I love my friends day.’  And it’s perfectly ok to actually admit that!

Truth is, I don’t like being single.  Sure, there are things I don’t like about being in a relationship either, but I’d rather be in one (granted it’s with the right guy) than not.  I don’t need to preach to my friends how independent I am and if the right guy comes along, then great, and if not, that’s ok too.  Sometimes being honest goes a hell of a long way than masking your disappointment with Hallmark quotes of ‘it will happen when it happens.’

Go ahead and feel sad on Valentine’s Day.  Get annoyed with commercialism and candied hearts and the Charlie Brown Valentine’s Special.  But just don’t take it out on your girlfriends.  Because until McDreamy does come along, they are there to love you, and I’ll take that anyday. (As long as cupcakes are included. Of course.)

“I just want you to protect yourself!”

“I can’t stand to see you get hurt again.”

“We’re just looking out for you, that’s all.”

I love my friends, I really do. But sometimes, I want to hit them over the head and tell them to take their own advice. I am grateful that they care so much about me and in their words, ‘think I’m so ‘effin awesome’ that I deserve nothing but the most perfect amazing guy, but they just don’t always get it.

If they really want me to protect myself from getting hurt in a new relationship (or any relationship), then there’s only one true answer—I just won’t date. Period. I’ll be anti-relationships my entire life and if a great guy does come along, I’ll stop him before things get serious to say, ‘I’m sorry, babe, but I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me. I’m outta here.’ Really, I think my friends would bubble-wrap me if they could. That might solve the bruises that result from my constant klutziness, but a broken heart? I wish.

So can you ever really protect yourself in a relationship? Not really. Will that stop my friends from saying, ‘I just want you to protect yourself?’ Hardly. But maybe it will help shed some light on what you can do to take steps to remain in control of your relationship, so if there is heartbreak, it won’t sting as bad this time around, and you’ll be able to bounce back faster.

In my last relationship, things progressed really fast. We hit it off in an instant, were beyond attracted to each other, and had a mutual view on what’s important in life. It wasn’t like I was going around professing my love for him or even swearing that he was the most amazing man I had ever met, but that didn’t stop my friends from being scared to death of what would happen if he broke my heart and I was reduced to a teary-eyed mess. And here I thought I was pretty strong and resilient.

Truth is, breakups suck. What an observation, you’re thinking. But it’s a part of life and when they do happen, I try to tell myself that it will only bring me closer to finding the right person. That doesn’t always work in lifting my mood, but I think it’s a pretty accurate statement.

So if you can’t really protect yourself from getting hurt, what can you do? Here’s my mind-blowing advice:

1) Just go with it. Yes, I said it. If you’re happy and you know it (don’t worry, I’m not going to break into song here), then just enjoy the warm and fuzzy feelings happening around you. Don’t try to squash it just because you want to protect yourself from getting hurt. True, it’s not always the wisest thing to tell everybody you know that you’re on cloud nine (they’ll notice it just by your glow), but don’t try to always play it cool either. There’s a saying that I love that says you have to be careful about being too careful. It’s a great observation, and so true when it comes to love. Don’t smother your crush, new guy, boyfriend, etc., but don’t hide from enjoying those blissful moments either. Cause guess what–if you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to get hurt, and no amount of preparation can stop that from happening (and no, Yogi Berra didn’t say that).

2) Listen to your gut. I wish I would have taken my own advice on this a lot more. Because I had a tendency to over-analyze and think a situation through until I was blue in the face, I lost track of what my gut was saying in the first place. I think it’s normal considering human behavior is something I write about, but the fact of the matter is no matter how much I think about a situation, my gut has never led me astray. Even the times I wasn’t sure if I was right or not, I can look back now and know that I knew the answer all along. When you get that pain in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. Address it and get it out in the open sooner rather than later. If you’re feeling that your guy is pulling away, you’re probably not over-reacting. And don’t let yourself get blamed just because you’re a female! Usually our gut knows before our head, so trust it, and I promise you will thank yourself in the end. After all, where do you think the label ‘woman’s intuition’ came from?

3) Stay busy doing your own thing. Whether it’s keeping plans with friends, going to a movie by yourself, or taking on a new hobby, don’t give up on yourself. This way, should things not end well with a new relationship, you won’t feel completely lost going on with life without your guy. And even better, when you’re staying busy, it helps take your mind off of when he’s going to text or call you, and gives you more to talk about when you do see him. Plus, seeing you live your own life (and do so passionately) only makes you more attractive to a guy. Don’t let yourself slide just because you can’t get your new guy out of your head!

4) Hold off on the S-E-X. I know it’s becoming almost trendy not to sleep with a new guy right away (although where did this 90-day-rule of Steve Harvey’s come from?), but it really is a sound piece of advice. Now listen, sometimes it happens in the heat of the moment, maybe after you’ve both had too much to drink, or just couldn’t keep your hands off of each other, so don’t think that you’ve ruined anything. Plus, if you’re safe and take precautions, it’s an awesome thing. But if you really like a guy and already know you want to be with him, then try not to round the bases until you know that you’re the only one he’s seeing. The worst thing you can do is sleep with a guy before you’re ready just because you hope it will make him like you more. I know it sounds so ‘after-school special’ of me, but it’s so true. Out of respect for yourself (and if nothing else, it will help in getting over him should you guys go separate ways), you’ll be glad you didn’t give all of yourself until you knew where he stood with you as a couple. You’ve got the goods and deserve to know that he’s just as invested as you are before you show all your cards.

Well, I’d like to think I’ve done a darn good job of highlighting what you can do to protect yourself in a relationship, without actually giving up a great relationship or bubble-wrapping yourself, or heaven forbid having your friends put negative thoughts into your head. All you can really do is just be smart about things (and let’s face it, if you’re reading this, I’d like to think you already are ), and therefore if things don’t turn out the way you’d like, you’ll have no regrets knowing you did everything you could to protect yourself.

That’s the million-dollar question.  Is it really that hard to date in LA?  And by date, does it mean actually find a date to take you out for dinner or drinks, or date and have a relationship?  Or in this day and age, is it hard just about anywhere you look, from Seattle to St. Louis to New York?  What is it about LA that makes people go, ‘oh, you are trying to date and live in LA?  That’s why!’

I moved to Los Angeles eight years ago, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, and yet mature enough to know not to expect anything. At 21-years-old, I knew to expect the unexpected. When my best friend once went to the Dresden, and ended up back at Vince Vaughan’s house later that night, I knew anything could happen in the dating world of LA, and boy, did it.

In a land where lovers are recycled more than water bottles (and in environmentally conscious LA, that says a lot), I learned early on that it wasn’t a relationship town. Well, if you wanted more than a 5-minute relationship that is. Just like kids in a candy store, there was always something more colorful and sweeter than the next. And in LA, where pretty girls are a dime a dozen, the notion completely rang true.

But in my eight years here, I’ve seen more than enough people meet great guys and girls, and have lasting and successful relationships. In fact, I may actually know more single people in my hometown of St. Louis than I do in LA. So how on earth does LA get the connotation that it is one of the toughest places to date? I have a few reasons why. Read on.

1) The Scene makes LA, LA. Stick thin twenty-something’s kissing the doormen of H.Wood and slinking right in, only to leave hours later with the latest pretty boy wannabe actor. Cocky agents assistants at the big 5 convince themselves that by promising to line up the next big meeting, they can secure at least a few dates with a rising star. And trendy reality stars know that unless they want the shelf life of a banana, the better get good at juggling their other reality star’s rejects. And so it goes. Over and over again, the cycle reinvents itself, only with the same results. If you go to the beach, you’re going to find sand in your shoes and car for days. And if you roll with the scene, don’t expect to come out unfazed.

2) Youth is always in. Hell, even 50-year-olds in this town consider themselves young. And we’re not talking young as in vibrant and full-of-life for a 50-year-old. We’re talking half-centurions who believe they really look and act like their 25-year-old counterparts. And more often than not, they act like children. As a result, there is no urge to ‘settle-down’ and get married. Twenty and thirty-something’s here think they have forever to find ‘the one’ and yet, by the time they turn 40, they wonder where the time went? You’re not so young anymore, are you?  The bottom line is, no one wants to grow up when you’re constantly living in Fantasyland.

3) Work. Blame Jay Leno. The guy wasn’t the funniest thing on the planet, but he sure did have the best damn work ethic you’ve ever seen. The guy worked as though he wasn’t going to be able to afford next month’s rent. He didn’t let up. Work, work, work. Although Jay is the most recognizable over-achiever, he certainly isn’t the only one. LA has a reputation for producing slackers and laid-back surfer dudes who spend their afternoons lounging at Urth Caffe, but for the most part, LA residents log some of the longest hours in the country. If you’re a 2^nd A.D. on a network drama, how on earth are you going to have time to date when working a 16-hour-day? If you are a research analyst for Warner Brothers, how are you going to muster up the energy to go out for drinks when you’re at work by 6am retrieving the overnight ratings for your boss? Dating simply takes a backseat to trying to further your career and always be one step ahead of the game.

4) Different strokes for different folks. This is certainly the biggest factor for me when it comes to answering why dating is so hard in Los Angeles. LA is certainly a melting pot of different languages, cultures, religions, and backgrounds, and while that allows for infinite possibilities, it can also make it more difficult if you’re looking to find your common denominator. For instance, no matter how many times I correct my Dad, he still thinks that the reason dating is so hard in LA is because the guys are so shallow. Well, although that can sometimes be the case (among models, actors and agent/manager wannabes), it’s not a very fair assumption. People can be shallow all over the place, and growing up, I dealt with my fair share in the good ‘ole Midwest. But in LA, I often struggle with guys who are girlier than me. I prefer a guy’s guy, someone who loves sports, knows how to fix things, and doesn’t need to go to the hottest clubs and restaurants to have a good time. Maybe the metro sexual wave has caught on in all parts of the country, but in LA, there is certainly no greater population. Guys here often spend more time shopping for clothes than they do working around the house, and although that’s not a bad thing if that’s what you’re looking for, it definitely can make it harder for chicks like me.

So what can you do? Keep looking, keep getting out there, and keep pushing yourself. It’s not impossible to meet the man or woman of your dreams in LA, but the lifestyle that is LA does often make it harder to find people with the same goals and backgrounds. Accept invites to events and parties that you usually would skip. If you live in the city, spend a day at the beach towns living like a local. Sign up for a softball or kickball league in the next city (if you live in Hollywood, go to Sherman Oaks. If you live in Sherman Oaks, try Brentwood. After all, that’s what Beverly Glen is for). Try volunteering or getting on the board of a philanthropic organization. Every bit helps, and even if you don’t hit it off with everyone, you never know who someone knows that just might happen to think you’d be the best fit for their best friend. It’s not that it’s that hard to date in LA, it’s just harder considering the circumstances it takes with which to live here. But take it from me—if you already have what it takes to live in the second largest city in the United States, then you definitely have the perseverance to find the relationship that’s right for you.

I came to a realization tonight:  I’m ready to be in a relationship again.  Hear that?  It’s a sigh of relief from my Mom, almost 2,000 miles away.

I’m still not quite over my ex, and to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure I ever will be.  I’ll probably always have a place in my heart for him and what we shared, but I finally am at that point where I realized I’m ready to be back in a relationship, and am ok with it not being him (which I think is the biggest aspect of my revelation).   For so long, I hung on to the hope that he would realize the mistake he made, and just like the bed left unmade for a child to come back home from their first stint at summer camp, I hoped he’d be back in no time.   But gradually, I realized that no matter how much I wanted things to work out between us, I knew that if he came back now, we’d find ourselves in the same position again.  So, after taking the last seven months off to be single (and like it!), I am ready to get back out there.  I know I’m capable of finding that kind of love again, and this time having it returned in a way that I deserve.   

However, there’s only one problem to this grand ol’ revelation.  I hate dating.   And I’m not talking about that first date, uncomfortable as it sometimes is.  I’m talking about the first few dates where you’re trying to figure out if there’s something more there, and if this new person can bring more passion, more excitement, and more love to anything prior you might have had.  THAT’S the part that is so hard.  Although you hear about how difficult a relationship is, and how much work it takes, I think I’m pretty good at it, to be honest.  I’m confident in my abilities as a girlfriend, a friend, and as an individual to myself.  Once I commit myself to something or someone, I’m there.  And that’s where I wish I could be—there.  I want to be in a relationship where I left off with my ex (or maybe a little bit beforehand . . . before my ex did a 180).  Just plop me into a relationship with a great guy who I already love, and I’ll be rarin’ to go.  It’s the starting from scratch stuff that I hate.  Frankly, it’s no wonder I don’t like to cook. 

Of course, I’m going to have to go thru the steps again.  I just don’t want to.  I want to meet a guy one day and hit it off and just know.  I want to know what I’m going to get and not be surprised a few months in.  At this point, since we’ve evolved so much as a nation, why on earth aren’t guys required to have tags indicating who they are or what they’re like (or heaven forbid, that they are actually single)?  I mean, if they can list specifications on microwaves and digital cameras at Best Buy, then certainly we should have it for the male species (and to be fair, I can think of some girls who should be required to list all their crazy attributes too).

So maybe the first step is that I’ve decided I’m ready to go there again (no, not Best Buy).  I don’t have to sign up on some dating website or even accept every invitation that is thrown my way.  Unless George Clooney is the one doing the inviting.  Then I’ll be at every single damn one.  :)  No, I’ll just be open to the possibilities.  Who knows?  After all, love often shows up when we least expect it.   And if not, I’ll just order it in.