Breaking up is never easy. Whether both parties realize that things just aren’t working, or one person isn’t as into it as the other, it stinks all around. But if entering the Heartbreak Hotel wasn’t hard enough before, it got even harder with the emergence of Facebook.

Hundreds of break-up books will tell you to cut off all ties with the one you love (or loved). They will say to stop calling, stop driving by his house, and stop planning ‘coincidental’ run-ins. So of course, when I broke up with my last boyfriend, I prided myself on following all those rules and more. After all, I certainly wasn’t going to reach out to the person that broke my heart because he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship with me. To hell with that! Instead, I was going to do everything right so I could get myself back out there.

But wait a minute. In the days, weeks and months that followed, I was still hung up on my ex. What in the world was wrong with me? I threw myself into my work, hobbies, friends, etc., but I still couldn’t seem to move on. It had seemed that the one thing those break-up books forgot to mention was not to check his Facebook page!

My friends wondered why I was willing to torture myself, but in my mind, I was merely checking in, trying to stay connected to someone who meant a great deal to me. What was the harm if he couldn’t tell I was looking at his page, and I didn’t have to have contact with him? It all seemed safe to me.

But what I realized (months and months later) was that doing just that prevented me from moving on as fast as I had hoped—or simply moving on at all. Not seeing him on a weekly basis was hard enough, but viewing his Facebook page was like tossing a few crumbs my way that kept me going.

Of course, it all screeched to a halt the day a new girl popped up on his page and I realized that my ex had a new girlfriend. He couldn’t indicate he was ‘in a relationship’ with me, but he apparently had no problem doing the same with her. I was both stunned and angry. If I was the one that wanted a relationship more than he did, then how on earth could he be in a new relationship when I was still looking for one?

If finding out my ex had moved on was what got me to stop checking his page, then I say thank goodness. I couldn’t bare to see them snuggling up to each other in pictures or writing flirting comments to one another. I needed a good kick in the butt to really move on and put this sorry loser behind me.

At the time, I never thought I would have been able to delete him from my friends list when we first broke up. I didn’t think it was necessary to take such ‘harsh measures.’ But looking back, I realize that that’s what I should have done. He would have been hurt that he was no longer able to check in with me via my Facebook page (which he let me know later), but I forgot to realize the hurt he caused me by deciding he no longer wanted to be in a relationship.

With Facebook, we’ve all become celebrities in our right (at least in our ‘circle of friends.’) One really wonders how Jennifer Aniston didn’t move to a different planet after seeing her ex-husband shack up (and have kids) with Angelina. I’m sure she would have done anything to have her anonymity back, if just for that reason. So until the rest of us become famous superstars, take solace in not knowing what your ex is up to—at least until you’re truly able not to care anymore.