May
I came to a realization tonight: I’m ready to be in a relationship again. Hear that? It’s a sigh of relief from my Mom, almost 2,000 miles away.
I’m still not quite over my ex, and to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure I ever will be. I’ll probably always have a place in my heart for him and what we shared, but I finally am at that point where I realized I’m ready to be back in a relationship, and am ok with it not being him (which I think is the biggest aspect of my revelation). For so long, I hung on to the hope that he would realize the mistake he made, and just like the bed left unmade for a child to come back home from their first stint at summer camp, I hoped he’d be back in no time. But gradually, I realized that no matter how much I wanted things to work out between us, I knew that if he came back now, we’d find ourselves in the same position again. So, after taking the last seven months off to be single (and like it!), I am ready to get back out there. I know I’m capable of finding that kind of love again, and this time having it returned in a way that I deserve.
However, there’s only one problem to this grand ol’ revelation. I hate dating. And I’m not talking about that first date, uncomfortable as it sometimes is. I’m talking about the first few dates where you’re trying to figure out if there’s something more there, and if this new person can bring more passion, more excitement, and more love to anything prior you might have had. THAT’S the part that is so hard. Although you hear about how difficult a relationship is, and how much work it takes, I think I’m pretty good at it, to be honest. I’m confident in my abilities as a girlfriend, a friend, and as an individual to myself. Once I commit myself to something or someone, I’m there. And that’s where I wish I could be—there. I want to be in a relationship where I left off with my ex (or maybe a little bit beforehand . . . before my ex did a 180). Just plop me into a relationship with a great guy who I already love, and I’ll be rarin’ to go. It’s the starting from scratch stuff that I hate. Frankly, it’s no wonder I don’t like to cook.
Of course, I’m going to have to go thru the steps again. I just don’t want to. I want to meet a guy one day and hit it off and just know. I want to know what I’m going to get and not be surprised a few months in. At this point, since we’ve evolved so much as a nation, why on earth aren’t guys required to have tags indicating who they are or what they’re like (or heaven forbid, that they are actually single)? I mean, if they can list specifications on microwaves and digital cameras at Best Buy, then certainly we should have it for the male species (and to be fair, I can think of some girls who should be required to list all their crazy attributes too).
So maybe the first step is that I’ve decided I’m ready to go there again (no, not Best Buy). I don’t have to sign up on some dating website or even accept every invitation that is thrown my way. Unless George Clooney is the one doing the inviting. Then I’ll be at every single damn one. :) No, I’ll just be open to the possibilities. Who knows? After all, love often shows up when we least expect it. And if not, I’ll just order it in.