That’s the million-dollar question.  Is it really that hard to date in LA?  And by date, does it mean actually find a date to take you out for dinner or drinks, or date and have a relationship?  Or in this day and age, is it hard just about anywhere you look, from Seattle to St. Louis to New York?  What is it about LA that makes people go, ‘oh, you are trying to date and live in LA?  That’s why!’

I moved to Los Angeles eight years ago, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, and yet mature enough to know not to expect anything. At 21-years-old, I knew to expect the unexpected. When my best friend once went to the Dresden, and ended up back at Vince Vaughan’s house later that night, I knew anything could happen in the dating world of LA, and boy, did it.

In a land where lovers are recycled more than water bottles (and in environmentally conscious LA, that says a lot), I learned early on that it wasn’t a relationship town. Well, if you wanted more than a 5-minute relationship that is. Just like kids in a candy store, there was always something more colorful and sweeter than the next. And in LA, where pretty girls are a dime a dozen, the notion completely rang true.

But in my eight years here, I’ve seen more than enough people meet great guys and girls, and have lasting and successful relationships. In fact, I may actually know more single people in my hometown of St. Louis than I do in LA. So how on earth does LA get the connotation that it is one of the toughest places to date? I have a few reasons why. Read on.

1) The Scene makes LA, LA. Stick thin twenty-something’s kissing the doormen of H.Wood and slinking right in, only to leave hours later with the latest pretty boy wannabe actor. Cocky agents assistants at the big 5 convince themselves that by promising to line up the next big meeting, they can secure at least a few dates with a rising star. And trendy reality stars know that unless they want the shelf life of a banana, the better get good at juggling their other reality star’s rejects. And so it goes. Over and over again, the cycle reinvents itself, only with the same results. If you go to the beach, you’re going to find sand in your shoes and car for days. And if you roll with the scene, don’t expect to come out unfazed.

2) Youth is always in. Hell, even 50-year-olds in this town consider themselves young. And we’re not talking young as in vibrant and full-of-life for a 50-year-old. We’re talking half-centurions who believe they really look and act like their 25-year-old counterparts. And more often than not, they act like children. As a result, there is no urge to ‘settle-down’ and get married. Twenty and thirty-something’s here think they have forever to find ‘the one’ and yet, by the time they turn 40, they wonder where the time went? You’re not so young anymore, are you?  The bottom line is, no one wants to grow up when you’re constantly living in Fantasyland.

3) Work. Blame Jay Leno. The guy wasn’t the funniest thing on the planet, but he sure did have the best damn work ethic you’ve ever seen. The guy worked as though he wasn’t going to be able to afford next month’s rent. He didn’t let up. Work, work, work. Although Jay is the most recognizable over-achiever, he certainly isn’t the only one. LA has a reputation for producing slackers and laid-back surfer dudes who spend their afternoons lounging at Urth Caffe, but for the most part, LA residents log some of the longest hours in the country. If you’re a 2^nd A.D. on a network drama, how on earth are you going to have time to date when working a 16-hour-day? If you are a research analyst for Warner Brothers, how are you going to muster up the energy to go out for drinks when you’re at work by 6am retrieving the overnight ratings for your boss? Dating simply takes a backseat to trying to further your career and always be one step ahead of the game.

4) Different strokes for different folks. This is certainly the biggest factor for me when it comes to answering why dating is so hard in Los Angeles. LA is certainly a melting pot of different languages, cultures, religions, and backgrounds, and while that allows for infinite possibilities, it can also make it more difficult if you’re looking to find your common denominator. For instance, no matter how many times I correct my Dad, he still thinks that the reason dating is so hard in LA is because the guys are so shallow. Well, although that can sometimes be the case (among models, actors and agent/manager wannabes), it’s not a very fair assumption. People can be shallow all over the place, and growing up, I dealt with my fair share in the good ‘ole Midwest. But in LA, I often struggle with guys who are girlier than me. I prefer a guy’s guy, someone who loves sports, knows how to fix things, and doesn’t need to go to the hottest clubs and restaurants to have a good time. Maybe the metro sexual wave has caught on in all parts of the country, but in LA, there is certainly no greater population. Guys here often spend more time shopping for clothes than they do working around the house, and although that’s not a bad thing if that’s what you’re looking for, it definitely can make it harder for chicks like me.

So what can you do? Keep looking, keep getting out there, and keep pushing yourself. It’s not impossible to meet the man or woman of your dreams in LA, but the lifestyle that is LA does often make it harder to find people with the same goals and backgrounds. Accept invites to events and parties that you usually would skip. If you live in the city, spend a day at the beach towns living like a local. Sign up for a softball or kickball league in the next city (if you live in Hollywood, go to Sherman Oaks. If you live in Sherman Oaks, try Brentwood. After all, that’s what Beverly Glen is for). Try volunteering or getting on the board of a philanthropic organization. Every bit helps, and even if you don’t hit it off with everyone, you never know who someone knows that just might happen to think you’d be the best fit for their best friend. It’s not that it’s that hard to date in LA, it’s just harder considering the circumstances it takes with which to live here. But take it from me—if you already have what it takes to live in the second largest city in the United States, then you definitely have the perseverance to find the relationship that’s right for you.