“I just want you to protect yourself!”

“I can’t stand to see you get hurt again.”

“We’re just looking out for you, that’s all.”

I love my friends, I really do. But sometimes, I want to hit them over the head and tell them to take their own advice. I am grateful that they care so much about me and in their words, ‘think I’m so ‘effin awesome’ that I deserve nothing but the most perfect amazing guy, but they just don’t always get it.

If they really want me to protect myself from getting hurt in a new relationship (or any relationship), then there’s only one true answer—I just won’t date. Period. I’ll be anti-relationships my entire life and if a great guy does come along, I’ll stop him before things get serious to say, ‘I’m sorry, babe, but I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me. I’m outta here.’ Really, I think my friends would bubble-wrap me if they could. That might solve the bruises that result from my constant klutziness, but a broken heart? I wish.

So can you ever really protect yourself in a relationship? Not really. Will that stop my friends from saying, ‘I just want you to protect yourself?’ Hardly. But maybe it will help shed some light on what you can do to take steps to remain in control of your relationship, so if there is heartbreak, it won’t sting as bad this time around, and you’ll be able to bounce back faster.

In my last relationship, things progressed really fast. We hit it off in an instant, were beyond attracted to each other, and had a mutual view on what’s important in life. It wasn’t like I was going around professing my love for him or even swearing that he was the most amazing man I had ever met, but that didn’t stop my friends from being scared to death of what would happen if he broke my heart and I was reduced to a teary-eyed mess. And here I thought I was pretty strong and resilient.

Truth is, breakups suck. What an observation, you’re thinking. But it’s a part of life and when they do happen, I try to tell myself that it will only bring me closer to finding the right person. That doesn’t always work in lifting my mood, but I think it’s a pretty accurate statement.

So if you can’t really protect yourself from getting hurt, what can you do? Here’s my mind-blowing advice:

1) Just go with it. Yes, I said it. If you’re happy and you know it (don’t worry, I’m not going to break into song here), then just enjoy the warm and fuzzy feelings happening around you. Don’t try to squash it just because you want to protect yourself from getting hurt. True, it’s not always the wisest thing to tell everybody you know that you’re on cloud nine (they’ll notice it just by your glow), but don’t try to always play it cool either. There’s a saying that I love that says you have to be careful about being too careful. It’s a great observation, and so true when it comes to love. Don’t smother your crush, new guy, boyfriend, etc., but don’t hide from enjoying those blissful moments either. Cause guess what–if you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to get hurt, and no amount of preparation can stop that from happening (and no, Yogi Berra didn’t say that).

2) Listen to your gut. I wish I would have taken my own advice on this a lot more. Because I had a tendency to over-analyze and think a situation through until I was blue in the face, I lost track of what my gut was saying in the first place. I think it’s normal considering human behavior is something I write about, but the fact of the matter is no matter how much I think about a situation, my gut has never led me astray. Even the times I wasn’t sure if I was right or not, I can look back now and know that I knew the answer all along. When you get that pain in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. Address it and get it out in the open sooner rather than later. If you’re feeling that your guy is pulling away, you’re probably not over-reacting. And don’t let yourself get blamed just because you’re a female! Usually our gut knows before our head, so trust it, and I promise you will thank yourself in the end. After all, where do you think the label ‘woman’s intuition’ came from?

3) Stay busy doing your own thing. Whether it’s keeping plans with friends, going to a movie by yourself, or taking on a new hobby, don’t give up on yourself. This way, should things not end well with a new relationship, you won’t feel completely lost going on with life without your guy. And even better, when you’re staying busy, it helps take your mind off of when he’s going to text or call you, and gives you more to talk about when you do see him. Plus, seeing you live your own life (and do so passionately) only makes you more attractive to a guy. Don’t let yourself slide just because you can’t get your new guy out of your head!

4) Hold off on the S-E-X. I know it’s becoming almost trendy not to sleep with a new guy right away (although where did this 90-day-rule of Steve Harvey’s come from?), but it really is a sound piece of advice. Now listen, sometimes it happens in the heat of the moment, maybe after you’ve both had too much to drink, or just couldn’t keep your hands off of each other, so don’t think that you’ve ruined anything. Plus, if you’re safe and take precautions, it’s an awesome thing. But if you really like a guy and already know you want to be with him, then try not to round the bases until you know that you’re the only one he’s seeing. The worst thing you can do is sleep with a guy before you’re ready just because you hope it will make him like you more. I know it sounds so ‘after-school special’ of me, but it’s so true. Out of respect for yourself (and if nothing else, it will help in getting over him should you guys go separate ways), you’ll be glad you didn’t give all of yourself until you knew where he stood with you as a couple. You’ve got the goods and deserve to know that he’s just as invested as you are before you show all your cards.

Well, I’d like to think I’ve done a darn good job of highlighting what you can do to protect yourself in a relationship, without actually giving up a great relationship or bubble-wrapping yourself, or heaven forbid having your friends put negative thoughts into your head. All you can really do is just be smart about things (and let’s face it, if you’re reading this, I’d like to think you already are ), and therefore if things don’t turn out the way you’d like, you’ll have no regrets knowing you did everything you could to protect yourself.